Song

First draft of a song I wrote today. More verses to follow:

Gentle Breeze

I will be a gentle breeze,
touching lightly as I go.
And when I am not here,
you will not know
if I was here at all.

Stronger winds will blow
bringing both rain and sun,
but I will be a gentle breeze
until my time is done.

Oh, I will be a gentle breeze
touching lightly as I go.
and when I am not here,
you will not know
if I was here at all.

May your path be kind and long
with love along the way,
Close your eyes from time to time,
feel the breeze like a song.

I will be a gentle breeze,
touching lightly as I go.
and when I am not here
you will not know,
if I was here at all.

Scotland

Caledonia by Dougie Maclean

I don't know if you can see
The changes that have come over me
In these last few days I've been afraid
That I might drift away
So I've been telling old stories, singing songs
That make me think about where I came from
And that's the reason why I seem
So far away today

Oh, but let me tell you that I love you
That I think about you all the time
Caledonia you're calling me
And now I'm going home
If I should become a stranger
You know that it would make me more than sad
Caledonia's been everything
I've ever had

Now I have moved and I've kept on moving
Proved the points that I needed proving
Lost the friends that I needed losing
Found others on the way
I have kissed the ladies and left them crying
Stolen dreams, yes there's no denying
I have traveled hard with coattails flying
Somewhere in the wind

(Chorus)
Now I'm sitting here before the fire
The empty room, the forest choir
The flames that could not get any higher
They've withered now they've gone
But I'm steady thinking my way is clear
And I know what I will do tomorrow
When the hands are shaken and the kisses flow
Then I will disappear

Totally, 100% Mad!

Today's rant is in response to a friend's incredibly small minded, conventional, stupid thinking. Not that it's the first time I've experienced this type of response either to myself in general or to things I choose to do. Without going into a lot of details it is hard to explain what I am talking about. Just try these subjects for starters: can men and women be friends, is it okay to travel on your own if you have a life partner, and on and on. In other, words can a woman of today be independent without going through life solo? Do women need permission to act on their own?? Would a mind of her own and friends of both genders mean this woman is looking for sex or a new relationship?? Plllllllleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaassssssssseeeeeeee.
Spare me.
Why should I even care what people think? Mostly I don't. Still, it's hard to find friends if they're all busy ascribing hidden motives to everything you do. The one person in life who matters most to me has no doubt that I am capable, independent, loyal and happy. So, if you can't handle the heat stay away from my fire!

When my Mother hugged me

The other morning I was in bed half awake, half asleep, in the predawn hours. For some reason I was thinking about my Mother. Like most children and their parents the relationship between my Mother and me was complex.
She has been gone for several years now and I don't know why she was on my mind that particular morning. I was remembering the strength she had in her arms and hands. Maybe from growing up in the country doing hard physical labor, who knows. But when she hugged me it was often fierce. You knew you were hugged and felt the love and energy pass from her to you. I could feel her again and it was a good feeling. One thing I always knew was that we loved each other.
The tag line to my dream was this thought: at least when my Mother hugged me, I always hugged her back.
There were tears in my eyes as I awoke and I said a silent prayer for both of us.

I can tell your future
Look what's in your hand
But I can't stop for nothing
I'm just playing in the band

For years I have struggled to explain to others just why I love the Grateful Dead.
What does it mean? Music for sure and lyrics both enigmatic and sometimes silly or just plain fun. At times they were otherworldly, other times mediocre in their performance. All I can say with certainty is that they could resonate so deeply in my soul that I was lost in the moment. As close to being unaware of self as ever I have come.
Many of us strive to 'live fully in the moment.' Few succeed. Being at a Grateful Dead concert was my gateway to otherness. On a really good night you could be transported out of your own head and into a realm of sound. Maybe just for moments or seconds but it was enough to keep me coming back for more.
Even now, years after the death of Jerry Garcia I find it hard to listen to their music. It's just too intense and it makes me long for one more night, one more concert.
I had some Grateful Dead dreams. I wanted to hear them play the song "stella Blue" live in concert. A magical experience that one. I also wanted to hear "Brokedown Palace" live. That one never happened. I also longed to see them live on New Year's Eve. Procrastinators, take note, if you want something go for it NOW.
Always I remain,
Gratefully Dead.

Holiday Magic

It's just a few days until Christmas. There is no snow, no post card perfect scenery.
I am also not particularly religious and am expecting no presents. So why am I excited? Here the commercial hoopla surrounding the holidays is minimal with very little advertising bombarding you at every turn.
So why, oh, why?
It happens every year. At some point I get excited. Usually just a few days before Christmas. It comes like magic whether I'm ready or whether I want it or not. I long to talk to everyone I know. Alas, the remnants of my family are scattered across the globe.
No matter. Christmas comes. For me it is a time of joy, of hope. More than other holidays it is a happy time. I wish everyone joy and peace, a full belly and hope for the new year. Wherever you are, alone or with friends and family, celebrate in your heart. Let your love for life shine through.

Going North Rant

Some years ago I moved to a tropical place. The air is soft, moist and sometimes downright humid. The light is kind, friendly and things appear lush and rich in color. I love it. There we are surrounded by green growing things and nature's bounty. Wildlife from the smallest ants and colorful birds to large cats (fast disappearing unfortunately) and monkeys keep us company. You never have to remember your jacket when you go out because you will never get really cold. Do remember the umbrella though when it's the rainy season.
As I write this I am back in the land of cold. The good thing is that it's a short visit. Right now there is snow on the ground and the wind is bitterly cold. A weak sun is shining but it only serves to provide illumination, no heat. There is a stark kind of beauty but I find it harsh. My skin is dry, my lips are chapped and my hair is a sad bedraggled mess due to dryness. Lotion and chapstick only go so far.
I have heard many people say they love winter. Some like winter sports. I never did and I often doubt those who profess this love of cold weather. Spring and Fall can be stunningly beautiful but not this. To me winter is bleak and depressing. It was always so for me. And now that I have lived where nature is kinder to the human soul and body I am more determined to stay away from northern climes.
Of course I am grateful that not everyone wants to live where I do. It would grow too crowded and turn into another concrete, mall clogged, traffic nasty, crazed and unliveable place.
If all goes well I'll be home shortly. I can shed these layers of fleece and wool, socks and hats, and get back to real living!